


Navigating Memory

by Miri Cleo (miri_cleo)



Category: Captain Marvel (2019), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Established Relationship, F/F, Vignette
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-06
Updated: 2020-12-06
Packaged: 2021-03-09 19:33:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,065
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27921565
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/miri_cleo/pseuds/Miri%20Cleo
Summary: A moment between Carol and Maria.
Relationships: Carol Danvers/Maria Rambeau
Comments: 12
Kudos: 30
Collections: Mistletoe Exchange 2020





	Navigating Memory

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Titti](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Titti/gifts).



Carol picked at a clump of spanish moss, pulling the curls straight and letting them spring back to form, just keeping her hands busy as she rested her forearms on her knees. It was disconcertingly hollow to think you were one person only to discover you were someone else. But something about the warmth of Earth's sun on her skin was a reassurance; it felt right in a way she realized nothing on the Kree homeworld ever really had. It felt right the way letting her powers finally flow free did. 

When she heard footsteps in the soft grass, Carol didn't turn around. They were too measured and too heavy to be Monica, too deliberate to be Fury. 

"Gonna get a sunburn sitting out here in the hottest part of the day like this," Maria said as she sat down in the grass beside Carol. "Or do your new superpowers make you sunburn proof too?"

"Were you always this bossy?"

"Do you really not remember or are you just being you and milking this?"

This time when Carol pulled the strands of moss some of them snapped. "Are you going to hate me if I say I'm not really sure?"

"Nah." 

Maria laid back and Carol followed suit, letting the grass tickle the back of her neck through her hair. She ran her palms over it, enjoying the way it was soft but sharp at the edges, cool and familiar. She could feel Maria looking at her, and after everything they had just faced together, it seemed silly to be afraid to look back, but Carol was. And those deep brown eyes staring back at her when she did were familiar too. Familiar and, she realized, comforting. 

"I was always this bossy. Not as bossy as you, though," Maria said.

"Yeah right." She grinned. 

"Yeah you were. You remember that time we were putting together that entertainment center for that shitty on base apartment we had? You couldn't just be the one who read the instructions. You had to read the instructions and supervise and tell me I was doing it wrong and redo it and insist that even though you were putting on the panels backwards that was the way they were supposed to go."

Carol did have the memories. It just took a moment to access them--not like memories at all. But once she had, they were more like a part of her that was real, that she had experience. She could feel them and laugh with Maria. She could find some of the things around them, but she still could reach too far beyond them. And having a life in pieces made her feel like she would never belong to anything, to anyone. 

But then she felt Maria's hand on top of hers, and her body automatically turned her own palm upwards into it, slotting their fingers together. And that unlocked something even more powerful than memories. Carol looked down at their hands together, and that seemed right. 

"Maria?"

"Yeah?"

"I'm still me…" It was almost a question, and Carol wasn't sure she wanted an answer to it. Yet voicing it seemed imperative, and she felt lighter now that she had. 

"I know. Hell, Monica knew right away...just that you needed a little reminding. And maybe you need some reminding that's," she said with her lips spreading into a playful smirk, "a little more adult. But we can take it slow."

They rolled on their sides facing each other, nose to nose, movements perfectly synched down to their smiles. For a brief moment, Carol wondered why she hadn't seen the Supreme Intelligence in the form of Maria; she was glad she hadn't. More than her blood running red, more than anything else, _this_ \--what she felt in this very moment--was what made Carol feel the most human. 

"I think I can remember some of those more...adult things."

"Oh, yeah?" Maria moved closer, so that their noses actually touched. Her voice was teasing, playful, and the warmth welcomed Carol back into a life well-lived, a life she knew she could reclaim. 

"Pretty sure, yeah." She touched the apple of Maria's cheek with the back of her hand with the ease of muscle memory, and her mind flashed to a hot summer night, their naked bodies sweating, legs tangled together against damp sheets with the sound of a box fan in the window and someone else's radio in the distance. She was kissing Maria in the memory, and she was kissing Maria then, pressing into her mouth with a building sense of urgency. 

The kiss broke, but the space between them didn't. There was a sense of contentment that Carol relished. She didn't need to wonder if it had always been this way. Nothing was perfect. Nothing was always the same. But there were some people with whom silence was never awkward. 

"I mean it when I say we can take it slow. I've spent...so long trying to find ways to live with the space that was left when I thought you died, to help Monica live with it. You coming back doesn't make all of that go away."

It wasn't unkind; it was honest. And for Carol it was a relief as much as anything else. "I'm sorry, Maria."

"I wasn't pushing you for an apology. Super powers and aliens and a cat that isn't a cat…" Maria shook her head, rubbing the tips of their noses together. "Who could have expected that? But I doubt it's a stretch to guess you're going to fly off into the sunset to help the Skrulls find some new place to settle down."

Carol sighed. "About that…"

"Yeah."

"Yeah."

"It's the right thing to do." Maria kissed her again softly. "It's a thing no one could stop you from doing."

Carol couldn't hold back her smirk. "So you're a know it all too?"

"When it comes to you."

"I'll be back."

"You better."

They both rolled onto their backs again and took each other's hands once more. Carol closed her eyes, seeing the sunlight pale red through the thin skin. Duty was a part of her; she didn't think she would ever be able to change that. But it was part of Maria too. And she was glad to have someone who understood her even when she didn't always understand herself.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you, glassesofjustice, for beta work.


End file.
